Sunday, August 7, 2011

"Awesome" "Amazing"...Why?

So, devout readership, this post is less of a monologue than my typical drivel. It actually requires some input from you. You see, I've been thinking over the last little while, and I've come to some self-realizations. One of those I'll get to in a minute. Anyway, basically with this post, I'm trying to get an answer to a question I've been wondering about for a while now. You see, I have plenty of conversations with people in which they assert that I am "awesome" or "amazing" or some similar adjective. It has become so common that I question why, exactly, people say this about me, which is where you come in, as readers of this blog comprise a large portion of those who make such statements. One hypothesis of mine (that I think is probably the most accurate) about why I receive such compliments so frequently is that it's just a general trait of friends of mine to freely give such compliments. It's not that I'm necessarily that great of a person, but just that to my friends, most people are awesome.

Now, before you start getting all worried that I'm having low self-esteem, or I'm being self-effacing, don't. I'm just fine. I'm quite comfortable with who I am, and I think I'm pretty much on the right track. I guess I just want to know why I am seen the way I am by others, even more so now than I was before that self-realization I mentioned. You see, several weeks ago, Dania said something to the effect of "You're great at everything you do, David." Now yes, partially that's just due to her tendency to exaggerate. I don't think she really ever thought that I am great at everything I do, but the comment bothered me because she was assigning me superhuman abilities that I just don't have. I couldn't figure out why should we even think to say something like that about me. Thinking about that, in conjunction with several similar experiences accumulated throughout my life, made me wonder why people think I'm so great and so good and so near to being perfect. It hit me, then, that I actually project that image. It's human nature to do so to an extent, I believe, as we want people to think better of us than we think of ourselves. I actively hide flaws even more than most people do, I think, though, because being a perfect genius has become my identity. It's become what makes me unique. If I were to lose that, there would be no compelling reason to be my friend (Yes, I know that's not actually true, I'm explaining my subconscious thought processes, not my actual beliefs), so I hide my flaws, which is actually a really stupid thing to do because then they don't ever get fixed. Anyway, that was my self-realization that contributed to making this a post. Please, any feedback you have I'd love to hear it.